I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i came on her dog
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
