All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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