Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
