No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
