CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
