it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
