Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
