Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
