I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
