he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
