Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
