Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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