I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
