Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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