the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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