my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
