She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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