we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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