i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
