I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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