lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
