I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
