Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
