well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
