He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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