You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wear drunk well.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize