i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
