Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
