Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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