That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
