God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
