He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
