my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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