I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
