I'm lost and stupid without you.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
