I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
