hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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