he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
