so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
