is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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