Plan B is the new Plan A
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
