Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
