the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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