what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
