i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
