Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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