Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
