Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
