Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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