I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Then you guys just all showered together...?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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