yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
