you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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