you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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