Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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