Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You can't special order awesome
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
