that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
