I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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