and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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