I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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