WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
