i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
