Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
