the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
