I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
