I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
