This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
