There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
