I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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