it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
