I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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