So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
