I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
