good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize