You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
