We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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